Life is

being submerged in(to) this fleshy body 

feeling all of these 

sensations ……

and learning to say 

yes.

Always

The relationship

the experience = my mind

the experience = my mind


I (want) love and acceptance


So why?

I have seen the enemy

and she is

(me)

Where are you ....

My love?

Tonight is a night where my breath

is short with anticipation of you.

Tonight our very sweat

would alight,

flame like flambé.


I've never met you, but


I've imagined creatures into

my life before.  Cats who

wish to be petted by my chin.

One or two's taste for caress

complimented nearly exactly

my skill set.


Why not you?

The Inherent Problem

Isn't that we try
To buy
Another's love.

It's that we try
To buy
Our own belief

We're worthy
Of it.

Positive Affirmations .....

For a moment ....

I caught this glimpse of myself ....

like an adult Pippi

Longstocking in her

woebegone house up on stilts ...

awkward and clumsy, yet

so full of life ....


beautiful really .....

Grief is ......

a factoid I noticed,
it might as well have been
in footnote 32 of page 118,
in a book, long out of print.

it seemed only I
was destined to see,
notice it for you,
who would have loved

it.  So I file it away
in the cache that is
my heart.  Another
bit of information

I don't need, but
cannot lose.

Over dinner ....

Over dinner we decided the four-year-old in the red Popeye shirt was the devil.  It was somehow more than just he was a rotten little shit.

A blonde three-year-old suddenly threw her head back, a shriek raising from her gaping mouth like a swarming column of bees.

"It was him.  That devil boy.  He spun her and hurt her."

I hadn't witnessed that.  What I had seen was a girl suddenly possessed.  A last frame from an old horror show, rather than the lazy Sunday afternoon of beer and song I had come to expect.

I had been distracted.  My ex sat eight feet in front of me and I tried not to judge him.  Not judge like "you dirty bastard."  Rather the soul killing variety of "who looks happier."

Parents rushed out to the stage to sweep the blonde queen back to their hive.  She returned moments later, all smiles again.

The children danced like a trailer from a seventies movie.  One in six actually gyrated to the beat.

And then .... I pulled my mother's credit card from the depths of my utilitarian pouch I use as a purse. I handed it off to a friend, my mouth falling slack jawed and open as if a sorcerer had conjured her in front of me.

"Look at the expiration date."

It couldn't be more recent than 2007, but I was somehow certain without looking it said the 1980's.

That same pouch carried a bent and forgotten piece of 35mm color negative film.  Three dogs, all Mike, and, in negative form, an unidentifiable cat.  Squirreled away like treasure talismans.  I couldn't begin to fathom when I might have done that.  Yet, I use that bag frequently.  Surely I would have reached in that particular pouch.

My life is now charmed.  The universe whispers in my ears and I try to learn from her lessons.

I slipped the talismans back where I found them.

I await my next astonishment.