863 Days

More imaginary friend than anything else

I spent far more time with you in my head

I can't think about it anymore, whether 

I am hopelessly screwed up, damaged 

for how I love, 

why I love, 

who I love 

I don't know if it is unfair to judge

a 1/6th failure rate so harshly 

or not 

What I do know is when you wrenched

yourself away from 

me, when we parted, 

that imaginary friend left a jagged hole

I will think something and think of you, 

so turn to him and then as if struck 

by a mental gasp 

I realize that he 

was mainly me

in the first place, 

I was the he that 

was you by proxy 

in my head

And I kind of realize 

He's still here 

If I want 

Because I am 

and that is simultaneously 

so fantastic yet so ..... 

well I don't say words like that 

in poetry